Untrue

Unknown to me,
In my unconscious state
my mind awakens the memories of you
In my vividness, you begin to disintegrate
as pieces of you are blown away ,
the destination is also unknown to me
You were untrue but i still reach for your shoulders in my lucid best ,
rest my head as i inhale your musk
kiss you on
once again say, ‘you smell so good babe.’
How do you do that?
You let me babble on!
i remember how i was so frightened
by you
sometimes, i knew you well, and sometimes, you told me yourself, ‘you don’t even know me.’
You put me in my place a myriad of times
and i still feel my heart aching so fast ,the closer i can get to describe the feeling is when the weather is so bad, nimbus clouds and suddenly there is a thunderstorm as it rains heavily and you hear your mum calling from a far because you forgot your clothes outside ,so you have to run so fast,
your speed against gravity,
chaos.
The first time you called me babe,
i just looked at you and i was thinking
what happened to your conniving soul
it felt forced to me but you said it like you had already practiced it somewhere else
while you kept lying i was your first
You were untrue.
How could i have broken you while i was always there at the snap of your fingers?
The truth is , i ached to be loved and you knew that,
you couldn’t love me though but you wouldn’t let me go,
You were selfish.
So you let me sail along in your definition of a courtship but never in the sea of your thoughts.
I almost drowned when the strong turbulence hit our ship ,
but my scepticism, my unquiet mind wouldn’t let me.
How can i unsummon you?

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For a time

It’s said,
growth is inevitable.
The clock ticks so fast,
that one minute you’re a clueless
son or daughter and the next minute
you’re a young adult,
whereby the truth hits you from
every corner.
There comes a time where you
have sleepless night feeling lonely,
you feel a need for something bur
you really don’t know what it is.
A time where you think too much
and you’re sensitive
your mind becomes a battleground
for thoughts
all you do is imagine the end of the
war within
yet all there is, is the beginning of
a habit which exalts sadness
thinking that such a state would be
a remedy for all our worries.
Yes it will help but for a time.

To the future

Dear future me,
Worrying is sometimes regarded as the pure destruction of hope, hopes built in forever are brought down by an arrow of worry. I know in the past, you felt like shading your skin and becoming whole again. You felt like you were misplaced in this vast world with no place to go, to hide from the conundrum of voices in your head and much worse the things seen, now epitaphed in your mind.
The world is vast, you haven’t seen much. Maybe you are being protected from ruin, things you’ll never recover from. I wonder how you’ve coped with the loss of people that you loved the most. Does the hole ever get filled?
Don’t forget to live even when you’ve got all you’ve ever dreamed of. It so happens that at such moments sadness tends to creep in and destroy every good built. Don’t let your heart feel unfed. Feed it with the fruits of the Holy Spirit.From love to kindness to humility. Most importantly let prayer be its stronghold.
Hey, don’t give up on changing the world even when you see how complicated it is, the weirdness of its creation and evolution of things. People struggle with a lot, you’ll see that in documentaries or even in proximity and you might not want to forgive yourself, cry if you must. Your tears might be the remedy. But cry to God.
Delight in the farming of flowers. It will calm your mind in pruning and yield patience in you in the waiting of their blossoming. Thence you’ll learn to cultivate significance in the things of the world, whether old and new.
Don’t wait for the things or people you love to exit your world so as to awaken you on the importance of love.
Yours truly,
Future me.

Guess i was crazy,
overwhelmed by the perception of love.
I was high all the way that i couldn’t
realize what i was driving myself into,
as every moment felt like heaven
a relief from the burdens that calloused
my soul, my mind
I’m worried that you didn’t get to know
me better, what i was going through
all the while
i can’t stop imagining what if you were
the only person i knew in a deserted world
and you wavered me just like that.
For a time i just wanted to believe,
fought a war within to convince myself
i was almost there
only to realize i was headed in the wrong
direction.

You.

I swear,
I swear i wanna write about flowers,
about places, food, events
but everytime i think of writing
all i wanna do is write about you.
It’s a seasonal disease with no cure.
I’ve always wondered, when the stars
in all their glory are gonna fall on us
but the thought of falling in love with you
chips in, out of thin air maybe?
Is the sound of music any different with
the sound of love?
Or when do silent thoughts get amplified?
I want you to know my heart feels something
for you
If only there were unseen wires signaling
this connection.
And if eyes tell when someone is craving
for love then mine told a bartender last night
and he just had the right drink.
I hope the petals from our rose of love
never fall
If they start falling, i pray that i’ll be there
to pick the last magic petal.
I promise that I’m a book worth reading
not a page filled with regret
and the cover, the cover is beautiful.

I didn’t start with a jar of hearts
but rather ‘i said i wouldn’t hook
up with him then i did again jar.’
which deserves a lot of money
by now.
When he said he’s moving on,
my pen stopped writing as
i felt the urge of peeing
i couldn’t breathe properly either
my stomach was really heating up
my heart racing and thumping
vigorously.
I had to stand up and hold on
to the windowsill
looking up the sky
where does my help come from?
Love knows no age.
I never thought i could love someone
as young as i am,
prisoned within its walls and i can’t
break free.
‘I was joking, I’ve loved you all along
just wanted to test if you felt something
for me.’
(i smile)
Silly, he makes me cry and giggle all
at once
my superman, ladies and gentlemen.
my superman.
Henceforth, my soul will be still
for whatever i searched for, i found.
I found the right person with
the right key.

Roses bleed

I’m not the one trying to sleep
It’s just another way of nursing
this ache
My heart aches, I’m not sure
how long I’ll be reseting my heart
after every false alarm of a love
passing me by akin a stranger,
Strange love, i know
Goose bumps and gasps before
uttering just three letters that form
the word yes
I say yes, because i don’t want to give up
maybe this is the man i need
I say yes because i want to know what falling inlove feels like, wanting to wake up to goodmorning texts and probably relate to love memes
But mostly I’m always looking for a friend to talk to,, to one day speak out loud my thoughts to someone who cares
I say yes because i want someone who detects, detects when I’m lying that I’m okay, being okay kills,
to let him detect when I’m not lighting up his world enough,
When my flames burn low, i hope he can be the ignition i need
I say yes because it’s scary being alone when everybody else has someone,
just part of the pressure,
going with the flow.
Sometimes i end up settling for what i don’t deserve,
the question remains what do i deserve?
Yet they leave without saying goodbye
they just stop talking and texting,
my phone stops beaping randomly
And then I’m quick to judge it,
thinking it’s the enemy
The story never ends, does it?
Someone comes along
the cycle continues, this time everything
is different, it’s just that my heart isn’t
a dynamo.
Maybe he wants to feel the touch
of raindrops on rose flowers
Rose flowers bleed too.

Fire in my soul

I danced the night away,

my body revolved to the

rhythm

my soul was freed,

I shade off parts of me

that i couldn’t acknowledge,

maybe they weren’t mean’t to be.

Breaking off bits by bits,

Disintegration

An erosion of thoughts,

An evolution of a new body,

Revival of the fire in my soul,

burning fiercely

How alive did i want to be

yet,

the sound of my heart

beat proved way more?

Lurking around

this love,

enscripted in

my heart.

Love that smells

as fresh as the lillies

and daisies at the

break of dawn,

a love that still

shimmers brightly

at twilight,

a love that’s quick

to erase perfunctory

feelings,

a love that blossoms

gracefully.

This is the love worth

growing wings for.

Assumptions

Countless times,

I hesitate to reciprocate

my love

I swear

It is a disease that terrorises

my dreams to bits,

The mixologist says,

said, assumes, i need medicine

You are the drug.

He saw me sneaking glances

your way and said,

i found my way to the cure.

I don’t know if two broken hearts

can reunite

I still don’t know if i’m

mistaking pitiness for love,

the two are brimmed with confusion

if i’m drunk with lust then am doomed

and when drunk in love, i become blind to wrong

So,

I doubt that you are an answer to

any of my questions,

Do anwers present themselves?